Yesterday I started to write a blog post about overwhelm. About how it feels when it all feels like it’s “too much”. This was always a theme of mine when I was in therapy. How could I move through the world with less overwhelm and more joy?
The answer is always the same for me. Come back to Nature. Come back to Source. Pause.
This is a thing: we are of nature. And this is what we have forgotten. 13 billion years ago there was a big bang. All life within our Universe evolved from that moment. We are part of the ecosystem, we are part of this Universe. We are not separate.
As I walked the trails near my home today I stopped and reminded myself of this. I am no different from the trees. I am no different from the tiny microbes that are nestled in the dirt below my feet, the lichen that spans the trunk of the oak tree next to me.
I am wildlife. We are wildlife.
When I think about how disconnected we’ve become, I want to cry. I want to shake everyone awake, drag everyone into the woods, take off all our clothes, bang on a bunch of drums and make people dance wildly with me. We would howl and growl, too. I want people to celebrate our undeniable connection to this universe.
I pray that my kids will – one day – feel this in their bones, and within the deepest parts of their being – know that they are one with all that is within them, surrounds them and is beyond them.
When I was a kid and my family was a member of a Catholic Church, I told them I didn’t believe in God. I didn’t believe that the man they spoke of – who was supposedly looming above us in the sky – really existed. I told my folks I believed only in mother nature.
Over the past three years I have dived very deeply into my spirituality and now I know – it is all God/Universe/Source. Every bit of it. My breath is God. Mother Nature is God. My dog is God (obviously). The dirt is God. My imagination is God. (I still do not subscribe to the belief that god is some guy judging us from above. My god is an energy – bigger than could be depicted as a man/woman/being.)
When I pause. I see Spirit/God/Mother Nature everywhere.
I have often thought about doing one of those Ayahuasca rituals where you drink a tea and hallucinate and everything becomes very clear and open and you feel this ultimate connection with your soul. But I don’t think I need it. I’m pretty sure I just need to go out into the woods and walk and wonder.
It’s Monday and I’m coming off of a busy weekend where I think I lost my way a little bit. I know I did. I’m thanking that little voice inside my head that told me to get outside into nature today. To stop. To rub my hands in the soil. To stare up at the trees and listen to the bird calls. To walk barefoot on the earth at 5 AM. To pause.
And…thank you Newton Conservators and Massachusetts Department of Conservation for preserving Cutler Park so I have a place to go to I remind myself that it’s all going to be OK.
OK. That’s all I got.
I love you. Seriously, I do.